Quilt Perspectives
Murray Jose
June 16, 2003

Sometimes I surprise myself at my lack of foresight (i.e. stupidity). If I tear up looking at Steve Walker's painting "Fabric of Life" depicting two gay men viewing the AIDS quilt in Washington, why would I think that I could view it in person and not be emotional? Yet somehow, it never dawned on me that viewing the Canadian AIDS Memorial quilt might be difficult for my friends and I.

Representative of the convoluted, exciting and challenging community that we often find ourselves in, I viewed the quilt with a long time negative friend who has lost many to HIV, a newer friend who was recently diagnosed HIV positive, his new negative boyfriend whom I am just getting to know and an ex boyfriend of mine (also negative and someone whom I still love very much).

Recognizing the different perspectives and experiences we each brought to this event raised questions about how we perceived the quilt, each other, HIV and how we supported each other.

Am I the pillar against which you can lean, or the quicksand upon which you stand?

Do you see hope when you look at me, know my health and how long I've lived with this disease, or do you see the inevitable way that HIV has become an integral part of my life?

Do you feel hope or fear when you think of the possibility of being like me in 10 yrs?

Am I the shoulder against which you can cry, or the loss from which you must run?

How much of your emotions will you allow me to see and share?

Am I part of the cure or am I part of the disease? (Coldplay lyric)

Am I the human body which can hold you and give you a sense of humanity or am I the physical manifestation of this disease that has caused you so much pain.

Is your lack of tears indicative of a hardness of heart or are there simply no more tears left?

If you had never met me, what would this quilt mean to you?

How much of my emotions can I share with you without scaring you?

Do you see me, or do you see HIV?